I want to talk to you about a growth mindset. A growth mindset is the opposite of a fixed mindset. A fixed mindset says “I am born this way, with these skills, strengths and weaknesses and there’s nothing I can do because I was born this way.” I completely disagree with it. I think it can limit you massively if you believe you were born a certain way and therefore can’t fix it because you’ll never even try fix it.
The growth mindset is having one extra word in your vocabulary – yet.
“I’m not good at running…yet.”
“I’m not good at piano…yet.”
“I’m not successful in my business…yet.”
“I’m not living my dreams… yet.”
That word gives your subconscious mind the capacity and opportunity to at least try. I think every time we say someone got there because of their talent, it’s bullshit. Talent is a good thing but talented people also put in as much time, sacrifice and dedication.
If we could dedicate ourselves to that extent we could be successful. It comes from the book The Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell which speaks about the 10 000 hours. With enough patience and persistence you can get good at anything. It’s not about what you’re born with – it’s what you make of what you’re born with. A great example of this is Roger Bannister. He was a runner around the 1940s-1950s and back then being able to run a mile in under 4 minutes was seen as an impossible feat. Even scientists and biologists came in and said we are scientifically incapable of it until Roger proved to the world that it can be done. Yet after Roger did it, thousands have done it.
So did we evolve physically? No but our mindset grew. Our belief in what was possible grew. That’s where the word ‘yet’ comes from. If you can just bring that word ‘yet’ into your vocabulary you can stop the fixed mindset and move to the growth mindset. That way you’re giving yourself the opportunity to live the life of your dreams.
“it is impossible to stop someone who NEVER GIVES UP!”
I have the pleasure of coaching many people and they all have the same desire, to do something in life worth remembering. Some want to leave a legacy behind, some want to become well-known and some want to be the best parents and children they can be. Everyone has the desire to do something remarkable… what is your dream?
These 11 quotes will help you keep yourself on track. Don’t wait, don’t stop, don’t give up. PRESERVE and continue to believe that you are destined for greatness and that no one can stand in your way, but you.
#1. The hard times have not come to stay, they have come to pass
#2. Life begins at the end of your comfort zone
#3. One day your life will flash before your eyes, make sure it’s worth watching
#4. If you feel you can’t paint, then by all means paint and that doubt will be silenced
#5. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams
#6. Pain is temporary, quitting however, will last forever
#7. He who says he can and he who says he can’t and both usually right
#8. Don’t tell me the sky
#9. Greatness comes from small tasks repeated day in and day out
#10. Follow your dreams, they already know the way
Success leaves clues, the question is are you following the right detective?
“Model someone who’s already successful… because success leaves clues.” ― Tony Robbins
The secret sauce to success
One of the greatest achievements in my life is that I have written and published a book. Often people will say they too want to write a book but they believe it is impossible. That is exactly how I felt, until I met a mentor who had already written many books. He told me about the books he had already written and I was shocked when he told me he was only 32. At that stage he had written 6 books, and he only started writing when he was 28. I thought to myself, if he could do it, why can’t I?
That’s when I jumped into high-gear and one month later I had written 300 words. Yip, quite depressing, isn’t it. And all those 300 words were written the afternoon after I met with my mentor. I had such motivation when I met him, but the following days and weeks the motivation crumbled. At our next meeting he asked me what was standing in my way and I told him that it is too big a task. I said that writing a book of about 60 000 words would take me too long. He then took out a pen and paper and showed me that if I write 300 words per day (7 days a week) I would have my first book written in 200 days (just over 6 months). I couldn’t believe that it would only take that long. He told me that small daily practises are what make books. It’s not like someone writes 30 000 words per day for 2 days and boom the book is complete. That unrealistic expectation is what was standing in my way.
A couple of months went by and my writing was going well, until I reached writers block. I terrible demon that every writer faces when they are nearing the end of the book. I reached out to my mentor again and he had wise words to share – especially since he had struggled with writers block many times. He told me to write as if I was planning to throw the paper away. He told me that writers block comes when we try write perfectly. This drive for perfectionist scares us into writing anything and we become fixated with doing it right, as opposed to doing anything at all. As J.K Rowling said, “I write every day, even if I am not feeling it, because at least I will have something to edit tomorrow.”
In the end, I finished my book and with my mentors help I published the book and achieved one of my greatest dreams. The secret sauce to success is simple, in order to achieve greatness, find someone who has done what you want to do and ask them how they did it. Learn from them. Pick their brains. And follow their orders. This is your one chance at life to live your dreams.
In conclusion, find people who have the success you want and model them. They can give you the quickest path to your dreams.
“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” ― Alexander Pope
How to deal with disappointments
What I learnt from Thailand
The Buddha once said that, “expectations are the root to all suffering.” At first I thought it was just spiritual mumbo jumbo, until I went to Thailand (where Buddhism is practised by nearly everyone). I saw how happy and care-free the people of Thailand were and thought perhaps what the Buddha said was true.
I dug deeper into the culture and asked the locals a question; “how do you stay so happy?” One Thai man said to me, “Because the sun is shining.” I was amazed that the sun shining was enough to make him happy. Can you imagine how happy you would be if the sun shining was all it took? – Especially living in South Africa (we would be happy everyday)
Then I thought, imagine how often you would be happy if a sunrise was enough to make you happy? I asked myself, when last was I grateful for a sunrise, and I was devastated when I realised that I have never been grateful for a sunrise. It has always just been there, nothing special. I have been taking a simple sunrise granted for my whole life. The scary thing is, how much other things have I been taking for granted? My family? My friends? My health?
The first thing that I learnt from the Thai people is that you don’t have to have a lot to be happy. As simple as it sounds, you can just BE happy.
Expectations are the root to suffering
The expectations we set for ourselves are the only thing that could lead to disappointments. Only when you expect to get a raise, and you don’t get one, will you be disappointed. If you were not expecting that raise, you wouldn’t be disappointed. Worst of all, is that when we expect the raise and get it, we don’t appreciate it as much. Can you imagine walking into your boss’s office and he tells you, randomly, “you have worked so hard the last few months and I want to give you a raise.” How ecstatic would you feel? It would mean even more if you were not expecting it.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t have expectations and goals in your life. Of course not. But the expectations we set for ourselves are the only thing that can lead to disappointment. If you are feeling disappointed more often than not, perhaps it is time to reflect on your expectations and ask yourself 2 questions;
Is this a realistic expectation?
If it is a realistic expectation, why am I not achieving it and how could I do better?
Life is too short to live in disappointments all the time. Change your perspective, change your life!
I am blessed in that I am living my dream. It wasn’t easy though. To be honest, I was forced into it. A few months ago I was retrenched from work and my confidence was low – rock bottom to be precise. I had to believe in myself when everyone around me was pitying my circumstances. Everyone was telling me it’s ok that I was retrenched. It’s ok to be a failure. We all go through that. It made me feel angry, and that anger is what got me out of bed in the first place.
I channelled that intense emotion into my work and slowly, but surely, I started doing what I love. I started writing every day and helping people along their journey. I was absolutely loving it. Then I started making money from what I love. More money than I was making in the corporate game. I started LOVING MONDAYS! Doesn’t that sound strange? I started loving Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s… because I wasn’t living for someone else, I was living for me.
I also had the privilege of going back to my old work a few days ago, and unfortunately a new round of retrenchments is expected. I walked into the office a massive smile plastered on my face, and what I saw in other people’s expression was hope. They saw that I was able to turn a tough circumstance into a positive one and they felt hopeful that they could do the same. And for me, that is the most rewarding thing of following your dream. You have the ability to help someone else BELIEVE in themselves, by being the example and believing in yourself first.
Is it going to be easy?
Oh no. HELL NO! It won’t be easy. It will be gruelling, tough, excruciating and even at times painful. You are going to have people laugh in your face, push you down and wipe dust on your face. You are going to have to believe in yourself when no one else is willing to. You are going to have to get out of bed when every muscle in your body is begging you to sleep. You are going to have to walk alone, stand alone and fight alone. But, one thing I can also tell you, is that once you reach the top and see the view… my word, it will be worth it. Worth every second of the pain. Worth every second of the heartache. Worth every second you spent working towards your dream.
Your dream is not only for you… it can help millions of other people. It is time to take action
For me, inspirational people are those who do not just talk but they act in accordance to their dreams. They are the ones that do not just say that want to change the world, but put every piece of their energy into realising that dream. Now, doing what you love is different for each person. It is not to say that if you don’t change the world, you are not an inspiration. If your passion is to be the best parent in the world or to work with underprivileged kids, that’s AWESOME. As long as what you are chasing is what makes you happy, that is inspirational. Inspirational people follow their dreams, whatever they may be, with grit and undying determination. Is that you?
How can we inspire others with our story?
Most people don’t believe that they have anything to share. That their story is average and boring and no one could ever learn from them. That is furthest from the truth!!! No matter who you are, or where you are, you have the potential to touch someone’s life in a profound way. For example, if you are a parent, you are able to inspire others who want to become parents. You can teach others who are starting their parenting journey. Just because you haven’t survived a shark attack or climbed Mount Everest, it doesn’t mean that your story doesn’t mean something. You have greatness within you and your story has the potential to touch someone’s life.
Tips to inspire people through speech
Tell stories, stories are the way in which we learnt to communicate and share knowledge thousands of years ago. It worked then, it still works now.
Personalise, sharing your personal story allows people to live through your lesson. They can feel your feelings and enjoy your adventure, which allows them to experience it as well. You can touch people through your authentic story.
Make a point, ensure the story you tell is aligned to your greater message, otherwise you may confuse people.
Preparation, practise and practise and practise. You can never be too good at speaking to not practise.
And remember, this is your story and you have value. Go to the world and share your story J
“It is impossible to stop someone who NEVER GIVES UP!”
Why do people give up?
People keep telling me that they want to do amazing things, like; write a book, start a business or even become an astronaut, and then, as quickly as the excitement comes from dreaming, they drop into a pit of dismay and tell me all the reasons why they can’t do it. I don’t have the time, money, knowledge, skills, people or even luck. People have so many reasons for giving up and so few reasons to keep going. People become experts of their limitations. They know everything and anything about their limitations and that stops them. Dead. In. Their. Tracks.
Success takes patience and CONSISTENT action
There is a tree in the Far East that is known as the Chinese Bamboo tree. This tree has an extremely tough exterior and it takes five years of diligent nurturing, watering and sunlight in order for the tree to pierce the ground. Therefore the first five years of the tree’s life is lived under the ground.
If one day of nurturing is missed the tree has a good chance of dying and collapsing in the ground. After five years of meticulously cultivating the tree it will finally penetrate the ground with a tiny shoot and just six weeks later the tree will have grown over 90ft tall.
Now the question is, did the tree take six weeks or over five years to grow 90ft tall? That’s easy, it took over five years, because if at any time the person stopped watering, feeding and nurturing the tree, that tree would’ve died in the ground.
It’s the same with your dreams, you’ll be working hard at making them come true and the results won’t be instant. People will laugh at you and ask you; “Why are you wasting your time watering your dream?” They may even mock you; “It’s taken five years and you haven’t even broken through the ground yet.” Most people stop following their dreams because they don’t get instant results, and consequently believe they have failed.
If you want something badly enough you have to keep watering your dreams. You have to create the foundation, the roots to support your 90ft growth. You have to nurture your dreams; you have to grow into the person who can achieve your dreams, learn the content to be an expert, practise your ability to perfection, create the right networks and when you encounter failure you have to get back up and keep believing and nurturing your dream. Every day we have to get back up to keep running towards our dream.
Is it going to be easy?
Oh no. HELL NO! It won’t be easy. It will be grueling, tough, excruciating and even at times painful. You are going to have people laugh in your face, push you down and wipe dust on your face. You are going to have to believe in yourself when no one else is willing to. You are going to have to get out of bed when every muscle in your body is begging you to sleep. You are going to have to walk alone, stand alone and fight alone. But, one thing I can also tell you, is that once you reach the top and see the view… my word, it will be worth it. Worth every second of the pain. Worth every second of the heartache. Worth every second you spent working towards your dream.
And, if you just take one thing from my message today, let it be this. That no matter how hard it gets, you are GOING TO MAKE IT!
“Impossible is an opinion, not a fact.” – Muhammed Ali.
What STOPS people from following their dreams?
Have you ever asked yourself this question? What is your answer?
So many people have come to me and said that they wish they could do amazing things, like; write a book, start a business or even become an astronaut, and then, as quickly as the excitement comes from dreaming, they drop into a pit of dismay and tell me all the reasons why they can’t do it. I don’t have the time, money, knowledge, skills, people or even luck. People have so many reasons for giving up and so few reasons to keep going. People become experts of their limitations. They know everything and anything about their limitations and that stops them. Dead. In. Their. Tracks.
What do you need to follow your dream?
You need to have the belief that it is possible… that’s it. Everything else is just smoke and mirrors, the detail that will come to you at the time you need it.
I remember when I left my corporate slavery (I mean job) to start my own business. Everyone around me was so interested in having coffee with me, probably because secretly they want to do it but they don’t have the courage to. They asked me what I was planning to do and how I would make a success of it. I told them briefly what my plan was, namely, TRY. Yes, that simple. I would try my best to make it work and not give up on the first obstacle that comes my way. Now I have a profitable business and will never go back to the corporate world. I am officially unemployable. And to this day, I still remind myself that all I need to be successful is not the right financial metrics or marketing campaigns or sales tricks (yes, these are important but they are learnt skills and you will learn them through trial and error), what you need is the belief, the courage and the hope that comes from knowing whatever you are searching for is possible. If you don’t believe that it is possible then you won’t try and that will lead to guaranteed failure. That is the only way you can truly fail, is to not try.
How can I believe in my dream more?
Figure out exactly what you want?
The first thing you have to do is answer the following questions;
What do you want?
Where do you want to be?
How do you want to feel?
Who do you want to be surrounded by?
The law of attraction is a powerful phenomenon. The trick that most people miss is they are not clear with what they want, then they attract it and then they are upset because it is not exactly what they wanted… crazy. I know. How can you expect to go somewhere specific if you do not know where you want to go? That is the first step, know exactly where you want to be.
Have a compelling why that keeps you motivated
You have to create a pull motion towards your dream… ok, what does that mean? You have to have a powerful WHY as to why you want that dream. If your dream is to make a lot of money and your why is, uhm I dono just because, then that isn’t going to drive you very far. You need to have a compelling why that drives you past the obstacles, because when the hard times come (and I bet you that they will) it is your reasons that will get you to overcome them. With a powerful enough why, you can overcome anyhow.
Try and be kind to yourself
The biggest learning one can do is to try, make a mistake and course correct. Every successful person started as a failure. Every icon started as a nobody. And every genius started as a novice. It goes with the territory. If you are going to wait until you have everything sorted before you start, you are going to wait a looooooooooooooong time and guess what, you are never going to have it all figured out, which means you will never get started – this is why so many people don’t get ahead in life. So try, make a mistake and when you make one don’t beat yourself up about it, rather thank yourself for trying and figure out how to do it better next time. You are going to be just fine if you fail, just keep going. Keep believing and keep making this world a better place.
The question now is, what are you going to do differently?
Inspiring Positivity 